The words you use in a sales conversation matter.
But they are only part of the message.
The same sentence can sound confident, uncertain, curious, dismissive, enthusiastic or aggressive depending on how you say it.
Tone, emphasis, pace, pauses and body language all influence what the buyer hears — sometimes as much as the words themselves.
And that reminds me of a joke.
You see there was this unfortunate man who broke the law and went to prison. He was feeling very scared his first night alone in his cell.
After the lights went out he heard one of the other inmates in a cell quite a long way off shout out "32". Then all the prisoners burst out laughing. When the laughter subsided he heard another inmate call out "66". Once again followed by a burst of laughter. This went on for some time before they all fell to sleep.
The man was intrigued by this behaviour.
The next morning during breakfast in the eating area the man gathered up his courage and spoke to one of the older prisoners and asked him what was going on.
The older inmate said, "Many of us have been in here for a long time. There's not much you can do when the lights go out. So, to amuse ourselves we tell jokes. But after a while we all seemed to know all the jokes, so it became easier to just give the jokes a number and just shout out the number rather than taking all that time to tell the joke."
Ahhh. Now it all made sense.
So, for the next few weeks, the man listened to the numbers and found out what joke corresponded to what number and which numbers got the biggest laughs.
Finally, one night he decided to join in. After about five or six jokes had been told "by the numbers". He shouted out "22!" Nothing happened? Dead silence. He thought that maybe the others didn't hear him. So, he waited till a few more jokes were numbered and shouted out, as loud as he could, "66!" Again, just silence? This happened to him about five times.
The next morning he just had to find out why no one laughed at his numbers. He went to the old man again and asked him. "Why does no one laugh at my jokes?"
The old man replied, "Ahhh, it's the way you tell them."
You may have heard the often-quoted claim that communication is:
Those figures are usually attributed to research by Albert Mehrabian. (actually Bob Birdwhistle, ("Kinesics & Communication") researched this prior to Albert)
But they are frequently misunderstood.
Mehrabian was not saying that words account for only 7% of everything we communicate.
His research dealt with situations where the words and the non-verbal message were inconsistent, particularly when people were communicating feelings or attitudes.
That distinction matters.
If I tell you:
“The meeting starts at 10 o'clock.”
the words obviously carry most of the information.
But if I say:
“I'm really pleased you're here.”
while sounding irritated and avoiding eye contact, you may believe my tone and behaviour more than the words themselves.
Likewise, I sure know that when I was growing up that if my mother shouted out "Gregory !!!!", it meant more than just my name.
I knew I was in trouble for something.
Similarly, think about some of the comedians you know that stand up on stage and make a living out of insulting people or making fun of them, yet they rarely offend people.
It's all in the tone they use !
That is the useful lesson for selling too.
Buyers don't listen only to the words you use.
They also listen to how confidently you say them, where you place the emphasis, whether you hesitate, how quickly you speak and whether your delivery seems consistent with your message.
When your words and delivery support each other, your message becomes easier to believe because your communication is congruent.
When they conflict, the buyer may start wondering which one they should trust.
Think about the intonation we use in uttering a sentence.
Basically, we have three choices.
As we say something we can finish the sentence with:
An upward voice intonation
An unchanged voice intonation
A downward / deeper voice intonation
Try it for yourself.
Lets pick a sentence to say.
" You want to buy this "
If you repeat that sentence and speak the last two words in a higher pitched voice it sounds like you are asking a question. In fact, there are languages ( e.g. Italian ) where you indicate you are asking a question only by the intonation of the sentence. And guess what, these languages use that same higher-pitched voice tone to indicate a question is being asked.
Next, say that sentence keeping your voice tone constant.
Different, isn't it.
That tone is indicating you are making a statement.
Finally, utter that same sentence again but say the last two words louder and deeper.
The words haven't changed.
But the message can feel more definite and certain.
That is why intonation matters in a sales conversation.
If your words say one thing but your tone suggests something else, the buyer may notice the inconsistency.
You might tell a buyer:
“I'm confident this will work for your application.”
But if your voice rises uncertainly at the end, you may unintentionally communicate:
“I'm confident this will work for your application...?” (with that upward voice inflexion)
The buyer hears more than the words.
They also hear how certain, interested, curious or hesitant you sound.
The aim isn't to manufacture confidence with your voice.
It is to make sure the way you deliver the message is consistent with what you genuinely mean.
Different parts of a sales conversation call for different ways of speaking.
When you are trying to understand the buyer, you want to sound genuinely curious.
When you are explaining something you know well, you should sound confident.
You have probably been told by your sales manager, or in a sales training course, to be positive during a sales call and assume you are going to make the sale.
That attitude often spills over into your tonality.
You are more likely to make statements with a firm statement tonality, or sometimes a command tonality, rather than allowing your voice to rise at the end and unintentionally sound as though you are questioning what you have just said.
When a buyer raises a concern, your tone should show that you are taking it seriously.
And when the conversation becomes difficult, staying calm can often matter more than finding the perfect words.
For example, compare asking:
“What concerns you most about changing suppliers?”
with genuine curiosity...
...to asking exactly the same question in a challenging or impatient tone.
The words are identical.
The buyer's experience of the question may be completely different.
The same applies when presenting a recommendation.
If you have good reason to believe something will work, your voice should communicate that confidence.
But confidence does not mean becoming louder, more forceful or more commanding.
It means sounding comfortable with what you are saying.
Tonality is therefore not something you add to a sales conversation as a technique.
It is part of the message itself.
Your words tell the buyer what you mean.
The way you say them can tell the buyer how you mean it.
The same principle applies to non-verbal communication.
Your facial expression, posture, eye contact and gestures can reinforce what you are saying — or contradict it.
You do not need to consciously manage every movement.
What matters most is that your words, tone and behaviour are reasonably congruent.
Michael Grinder from the USA teaches about patterns of communication.
He says there are two patterns of non-verbals namely Credible or Approachable.
The Credible Style of communication is best for
sending information;
to increase importance;
to express vehemence.
This Credible style uses the downward intonation at the end of each sentence (or at least holding the tone constant).
In terms of body position this style is characterised by stillness.
The head is held still, the body is straight, the arms should be at the side or parallel to the ground with weight on both feet and toes pointed forward.
The Approachable Style of communication is used when you are seeking information.
It uses a more rhythmic tempo with upward voice intonation at the end of each sentence.
In terms of physiology it is characterised by much more movement.
The head often bobs; the body leans forward; hand gestures abound; weight often shifting from foot to foot.
When you want to get your message across, and have your best chance of being believed, communicate using the Credible Style.
When seeking information and establishing rapport use the Approachable Style.
Good salespeople move naturally between the two.
They can sound confident without being overpowering, and approachable without sounding uncertain.
Once again, the aim is not to put on a particular voice.
It is to use a style that fits what you are trying to accomplish in that part of the conversation.
Of course, like many other sales techniques, it takes practice to master them.
By the way, I just thought of another joke. 66. ( Are you laughing?)
Happy practising.