Most salespeople know rapport matters.
Fewer understand why.
And fewer still realise that building rapport in sales isn’t something you do to a buyer —
it’s something a buyer experiences internally when they feel understood, respected, and safe to think out loud.
That distinction changes everything.
Remember ... know, like and trust ?
Rapport is often described as “getting along” or “finding common ground.”
That’s a start — but it barely scratches the surface.
In professional selling, rapport is the buyer’s felt sense that:
When that feeling is present, resistance drops.
When it’s absent, even well-intended persuasion feels uncomfortable.
This is why rapport building in sales isn’t a soft skill.
It’s a decision-enabling condition.
Modern buyers are:
In this environment, buyers aren’t asking:
“Is this salesperson competent?”
They’re asking — often unconsciously:
“Is it safe to explore this with them?”
Building Rapport in sales answers that question…
or fails to.
One of the biggest misconceptions is that rapport is something you establish at the start of a call — and then move on from.
In reality, rapport:
Rapport doesn’t sit before the sale.
It runs through the entire decision process.
Traditional sales advice often frames rapport as finding similarities — shared interests, hobbies, backgrounds, or experiences.
Even well-known sales figures have pointed out the limits of this approach.
Jordan Belfort (The Wolf of Wall Street) doesn’t believe it the best approach and neither do I.
I think there’s even more to building rapport than Belfort mentions in his video (below) and I'll get into that below.
This "common ground" approach is often too obvious.
If your prospect senses manipulation, you may be in big trouble.
Plus, switching back to business after small talk can disrupt the flow of your conversation.
Have you noticed how the atmosphere shifts when the topic changes?
There’s a gap between social rapport and sales rapport that can be tricky to bridge, especially early on.
Do you doubt what I am saying ?
Maybe if you watch the video below from Jordan Belfort, "The Wolf of Wall Street" you'll be more inclined to believe me ?
Belfort argues that talking about non-germane topics often backfires because:
• It wastes time: Spending 20 minutes on small talk signals that you are not a professional with a focused objective.
• It undermines expertise: If you are perceived as just a "nice guy" or a friend rather than a "sharp" expert, the prospect will try to take control of the conversation. Once the prospect is in control, it becomes nearly impossible to move them toward a close
He believes, rapport must exist alongside your status and the belief that you are an expert in your field.
For a sale to succeed, the prospect must have certainty in three areas: the product, the salesperson, and the company behind the product
The Right Way to Build Rapport
Belfort believes the "real" way to build rapport is through a structured interaction that demonstrates you understand the prospect's needs.
This is achieved through:
• Asking Smart Questions: Instead of small talk, ask targeted questions that are relevant to the prospect's situation.
• Specific Tonalities: Use your voice to convey that you care about the prospect and empathize with their specific "pain".
• Active Listening: Belfort emphasizes using "unconscious communications"—such as brief verbal affirmations like "uh-huh" and "I got it"—to show you are listening attentively.
By following this method, you demonstrate that you "get" them and feel their pain, which builds a deeper, more professional level of trust than social chatter ever could.
To see and hear Jordan relate this watch the video below.
The issue isn’t that common ground is wrong.
It’s that it’s insufficient.
Two people can share interests and still feel guarded.
Two people can have nothing in common and still feel deep rapport.
Real rapport building in sales happens below the surface — at the level of psychological safety and understanding, not similarity.
Most advice on building rapport in sales stays at the behavioural level:
These are useful — but incomplete.
What’s usually missing is an understanding of how different buyers process trust, certainty, and risk differently.
Two buyers can hear the same words…
and experience entirely different levels of rapport.
That’s why effective rapport isn’t generic.
It’s adaptive.
You’ll often hear that rapport comes from listening more than you speak.
That’s true — but it’s not the full story.
Active listening matters in building rapport in sales not because it’s polite, but because it signals something far more important to the buyer:
“I don’t need to protect my position with this person.”
When buyers feel genuinely listened to, they stop managing impressions.
They stop filtering.
And they start revealing how they actually think about the decision in front of them.
That’s when rapport deepens.
Not because you’re nodding or paraphrasing —
but because your listening creates psychological safety.
If you want to explore this skill in a practical, non-theoretical way, you’ll find detailed examples and exercises here:
Active Listening Exercises for Sales
Used well, active listening doesn’t just support rapport building in sales — it becomes an integral part of the process.
Real rapport building in sales happens when your language, non-verbal actions, and questions align with how the buyer:
When that alignment occurs, rapport feels natural — often unconscious.
The buyer relaxes.
The conversation opens.
And influence becomes possible without pressure.
This is the foundation of mastering unconscious rapport-building in sales — not through tricks or tactics, but through understanding how buyers experience the conversation from the inside.
Think about it ... Have you ever met someone and instantly felt a connection, as if you already knew what they were thinking?
That kind of rapport is powerful—it’s effortless, natural, and it builds trust quickly.
In sales, achieving this level of connection without relying on superficial common ground is crucial.
Instead of forcing a shared interest, you can cultivate what’s known as unconscious rapport.
If you’ve already had some success in sales, you might be using some of these techniques without even realizing it.
That’s the beauty of unconscious rapport—it's most effective when it’s instinctual.
But if you find yourself struggling with a particular client or situation, it might be time to consciously refine these skills.
Many capable salespeople unintentionally break rapport by:
From the buyer’s perspective, this doesn’t feel helpful.
It feels exposing.
Building Rapport in sales means pacing the buyer’s thinking before leading it.
This way of thinking about rapport comes from years of working with experienced B2B salespeople — people who didn’t need more scripts, but needed a better understanding of what was happening inside the buyer’s mind and a way of connecting better.
It’s also the foundation of my understanding of unconscious rapport-building, where rapport is treated not as a tactic, but as a strategic capability that:
This approach is central to mastering unconscious rapport-building — a practical framework for rapport building in sales.
Rapport isn’t about being liked.
It’s about being experienced as someone worth thinking with, worth opening up to..
When rapport is present, selling stops feeling like resistance management…
and starts feeling like a collaborative decision.
That’s the difference real rapport makes.